Heartbreak

Have you ever had a moment where you find yourself so in love with someone? Well it was like that for me for the 1st few months of my 10th grade year. I met a guy and at the time I was 15 and he was 18, I should have never gone towards the idea of thinking that me and him could date but I did. The more we got to know each other the more I found myself falling more and more in love with him.

So I met this guy around the 1st of my last year(10th grade) and well I can remember how we met like it was yesterday. I had seen him in a group of his friends, one of them I actually knew and I went over to his table to see if like me and this guy were friends. Come to find out he never liked me and we weren’t really friends. It was that first day that I instantly knew that(lets call this guy john)there was something different about john and like me and John started talking that first day and I noticed his gorgeous blue eyes and I kinda fell in love with his eyes. My favorite color of eyes is green or blue so yeah. Then like I’m pretty sure I asked john if he thought I was cute and he said I was. Well every day after that for like a long while I sat at johns table just to get closer to him.

Even then he was afraid of the age difference as he got closer to me and I kept reassuring him that age shouldn’t matter because to me it doesn’t and like it had to be his top thought on his mind when he was around me. He was always worried that we were 3 years apart in age and like at one point we weren’t dating but just talking and he had called me his(he said “i glad that your mine”) and what I don’t understand is, why would he listen to his parents whenever he told me he loved me and all this and that. Let me explain; so like we went through these phases of sending long paragraphs telling each other that we were glad that we met and that we hoped to marry in the future and all this and that. I went over to his parents house to meet his parents and for the time I was there his parents seemed chill with me. I’m pretty sure the day after I had got a a text from john saying that we should just be friends and that just broke my heart because after all that time i wondered why he would throw it away when we loved each other. Well I thought we did. So up to December 13th we stayed friends on Facebook and snap chat and then he blocked me. He went on with his life like I never meant anything to him at all.

My thing is how can 2 people be so in love then fall out of it like that. Like literally after he told me we should be just friends, I cried so much I literally have never ever cried so much over someone ever. I’m just thinking back to it and like I want things to go back to before he felt the need to break my heart like he did, go back to all the lovey dovey stuff and I wanted it to stay like that forever but somehow I fell like him breaking my heart was my fault in a way. We were never dating but I was too attached to him by that point and whenever he told me that we should just be friends it literally broke my heart into a million pieces. If I never met him, if i never walked up to that lunch table, if we never started talking, if i never fell in love or never came over to his parents house and the worse one of them all if i was never so touchy and sexual none of this would ever have happened so yes this is all of my fault and I realize this. Whenever I get attached to someone so much I become infatuated with them and therefore they are all I can ever think about.

Sometimes I hate getting attached to someone just to get my heart broken by them. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have the ability to love so easily but I guess it makes me who I am.

Sorry for making this sad everyone but I wanted to share how I feel because I felt the need to share it with you all.